Give Up
by deadtodd
Summary: Hoagie is forced to relive the day he decided he didn't want to try anymore.


**Grimmy:** _Yet another one for that crossover series. A majority of this is actually a flashback but that really was the only way I felt I could show everything while giving a heavy dose of emotion. Not quite a tear jerker but I think I'm getting better at this. I don't own KND or L4D._

Wally and I had made it to yet another safe room. We were the only two left and I hated myself for it. Every time I closed my eyes I could see it happen all over again. It should have been me… I wish it was me, because at this point I had absolutely nothing else to live for. My baby brother. My one true love. My ch… I couldn't even say it in thought because that would mean admitting to myself just how big of a failure I was.

I curled up, desperate to ignore the prickling behind my eyelids. I was normally in tune with my emotions but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to cry, even if it meant temporary relief for my dried out eyes. Shaking my head, I started up another staring contest with the wall. Tonight was my turn for first shift of watch duty. I was grateful as this meant I got to prolong sleep just a little bit longer.

I was slowly losing the battle with exhaustion and it was starting to show in my less than perfect movement. My eyes were half lidded and the sound of soft breathing was something like a lullaby. I sighed softly and rubbed at my eyes, one at a time; careful to not close them both at the same time.

"Hoagie?"

I jumped, fully alert and slightly shocked that I didn't instantly whip out my gun on reflex. The reflex lapses had been getting worse and worse. Everything was blurry for a moment before Wally's hooded figure came into focus. He looked confused and rather worried, which was saying something because he normally didn't display so much concern. I felt slightly guilty as I thought back to the suicidal urges I'd been having.

"W-what are you doing up?" It was then that I realized that my heart was racing and I was breathing hard.

"Moy shift," he grunted.

I blinked rapidly before shifting over to the ratty cot. "Oh," was the only think I could think to say and settled for laying back on the cot. I squirmed and twisted, feeling alone and empty but before I knew it my eyes had closed…

* * *

_"You holdin' up okay?" Hoagie whispered softly into his girlfriend's ear. He loved applying the terms girlfriend and boyfriend to their relationship. For some reason it made his heart swell with joy. _

_"Abby is doin' just fine now. Don't you worry yourself; I'm not even showing," she all but cooed as she leaned back against him. She'd told him several times before that she was going to try and go a little easier on herself. She was, after all, with child. She smiled when she felt him slide his hands slowly around her waist before settling on her stomach. "That's how we got into this mess in the first place," she whispered, not bothering to suppress her giggle._

_"Whaaaat?" he whined. "Honestly Abby, sometimes I have no clue what you're talking about." He gently pulled her even closer so he could nuzzle her ear smiling at the sound of yet another giggle. _

_"Boy, you crazy! We should be getting ready to head out anyways." And with that said she climbed to her feet to pick up her gun._

_He sighed and followed her lead. While he wished they could have a few moments longer he knew they had to get a move on. Time was something that could not be wasted. Up at sunrise and inside a new safehouse before sundown. Too many shadows around to move out at night. While Wally reloaded his guns and stocked up on ammo for the trip, Abby took hold of the first aid kits and a molotov. Hoagie picked up some pain pills and reloaded his guns as well. _

_"Lock and load em baby!" Hoagie joked. Apparently no one got it because he was met with blank stares and a head shake. "G-get it? Hehe, guess not."_

_Everyone breathed deep before Wally kicked open the door and they all headed out into the extremely bright world. Gunshots instantly sounded as they gunned down the small group of infected that lay in wait. Hoagie shifted his position so that he was closer to Abby, it just made him feel better and he found himself constantly on the look out. Not for himself, but for her. Dear God, if he didn't know any better he'd say he loved her. _

_They progressed deeper into the undead city. Cars were overturned. Large chunks of concrete had been ripped from the ground and a feeling of dread had overcome all of them. A tank, it seemed like the only logical name to call it since it went through anything and everything, had been here. Wally called the order for them to get into positions; he'd taken over at Hoagie's request and much to his surprise Abby had decided to sit back and let him. _

_An angry growl echoed through one of the nearby buildings and they all edged back, waiting almost impatiently for the attack. A roar this time and suddenly their peripheral vision was filled with brown. "Look out!" Hoagie didn't know who screamed but as soon as he'd heard it he tackled Abby to the ground only to see a, he was pretty sure, telephone pole pass overhead. _

_He rolled off of her and immediately began to shoot his entire clip at the tank, hoping to gain its attention. It worked and soon he was on his feet, jogging backwards and firing, desperately aware of what was going on around him. Infected to the left. A stellar shot by Wally. Boomer to his far right. Another spectacular shot. He could see the others gunning down the tank through the sudden spray of boomer blood. The sounds of the creature's roar was almost deafening and he had to resist the urge to reach up and cover his ears. _

_Hoagie dived and rolled to his left, behind a large block of rubble as a molotov sailed through the air. Fire erupted around the tank and he howled angrily before twisting and turning to see who dared try and harm him. He set his sights on Wally as he just happened to be the closest. Hoagie couldn't hear what the blonde had said but he imagined it to be something along the lines of, "Bring it.". With a grin Hoagie leapt to his feet, picking up a nice sized hunk of thin metal before twisting it so that it took on the shape of something similar to a spear. With a ferocious yell he climbed as high as he could, jumped through the air, and speared the ugly creature right in the back of the skull. It dropped hard, making the ground shake._

_Normally a victory like this would receive some sort of praise but Wally had moved on, taking out the next small horde. He looked to Abby who'd caught up with them just a few seconds prior. She'd been staying back, shooting warily and taking out any of the small fry that tried to get in the way. He smiled at her, positively beaming when she'd returned the look. Even if they were in the middle of a practically dead city he couldn't be happier. _

_Then it all fell to pieces._

_He felt himself being shoved to the ground and turned around, gun out, expecting an infected to be standing over him. But it was so much worse. A spitter had shot a spray of acid that would have surely hit him in the back and his lapse of reflexive action had cost him more than he was ever willing to bargain with. He fired several shots, no satisfaction in the kill. _

_Time seemed to stop. His heart was pounding in his ears and he couldn't see anything outside of a wide eyed and profusely bleeding Abigail. He crawled over, his legs didn't want to work anymore. Her mouth moved back and forth as if she wanted to say something, while acid ate away at her stomach and legs. He forced himself to focus on her face, too afraid to look anywhere else and while he couldn't hear, he knew no sound was coming out. _

_Her nose wrinkled and she batted her eyelashes as she reached up to lightly stroke the side of Hoagie's face. She was dying..._

_"Noooo," he moaned, not aware of it. _

_He wanted to hold her but he was afraid to touch her. He wanted to kiss her but he was afraid she'd go faster. He wanted to hug her but he knew he couldn't bear it. He wanted to... He wanted to tell her just how much he loved her but he knew. Deep inside he knew she was too far gone. He settled for pulling a ring out of his pocket and slipping it onto the ring finger of the hand that ghosted over his cheek. She smiled up at him, seemingly understanding the hidden meaning, and her hand fell limp to the ground. He watched her go. Everything in slow motion and hurting ten times more than he thought it would. _

_His fiancée, the mother of his child, she was gone. _

_

* * *

_

I woke in a cold sweat to see Wally staring out the window hunched over, and I got the feeling he was trying to give me a little privacy. But for what I didn't know. He couldn't have seen what I'd seen. At least not what happened in the dream... And that's when I realized that I was crying. Tears were streaming down my cheeks, despite the fact that I wasn't making a sound.

"You, um, are you okay?"

I turned away from Wally and looked down into my lap before shaking my head. I wasn't okay and I knew I wouldn't be until I'd composed a cure and got her back. Got them back. "Abby..." I croaked before I erupted into soft sobs.

**Grimmy:**_ Ah, I wish I could do more with this pairing but sadly I'm not confident enough. Oh well! Reviews please~_


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